Workshop for Steven G.'s Essay #3 Rough Draft

1. Original Thesis - "Although blame is often put on professional athletes, our society is responsible for the popularity of steroids because it glorifies all-stars, pushes young athletes, and fails to effectively reprove known users" (G.S., 2008).

Thesis Restated - Although professional athletes are often blamed for the widespread use of steroids among young adults, our society is causing young people to use steroids because it glorifies professional athletes, places too much pressure on young athletes, and fails to effectively educate and reprimand known users of steroids.

2. I do not see the cause or effect statement within the claim, I do see a position stated, however I do not see stated within the thesis statement a cause or effect steroid use is having upon the young people of today. The thesis statement is stated at the end of the first paragraph.

3. The author is stating that society is causing steroid use among young athletes, I believe.

4. The effect is that young athletes are turning to steroid use to boost performance.

Audience:
The audience is the public at large I would say, especially the parents of young adult athletes. The audience I would assume is already in agreeance with the author, but the author is bringing up a point that perhaps many of them do not think about, which is good.

Counterargument:
I do not see any counterarguments to the claim right off hand.

Title:
Steroids: Destroying America's Youth

Introduction:
Yes I do believe that the lead sentence, "What was once simply just a way for bodybuilders to gain a competitive edge, steroids are now endangering the lives of millions of Americans" (G.S., 2008), catches the readers attention. Perhaps a real statistic about the widespread use of steroids among young athletes would really hit the point home.

Conclusion:
Perhaps the author could suggest a solution that society could start with, such as not idolizing professional sports people, not buying their merchandise, etc., instead of offering the only solution as to wait until, "...professional sports organizations do something to buckle down on steroid use" (G.S., 2008).

Transitions:
The paragraphs do seem to flow fairly well, however perhaps the author can add a space between paragraphs to help seperate them from one another.

Side Note:
I really liked the paper overall, good message and well written. However, I would look back at the MLA or APA Guidelines before publishing the final draft in order to ensure that they are being followed correctly, including a works cited or reference list at the end of the paper.


S.G. (2008). Essay 3 Rough Draft. My English 213 Blog. Retrieved April 13, 2008, from http://steven213.blogspot.com/2008/04/essay-3-rough-draft.html