Workshop for Xia Baker's Research Paper (Rough Draft)

Overall
1. What do you like best about the paper?
- Overall I think the paper was honestly very good. It was well written, blending lots of statistical information with an informative style of writing while keeping a good balance as to not have the reader feel too consumed by quotes or the like.
2. Authors particular area of concern.
- I found that there were good transitions between all of the main points mentioned in the thesis statement except one. That would be the transition between the effects of global warming and glacial retreat. As far as jumping from topic to topic, no I think that there is a lot of valuable information presented within the paper.
Thesis
3. Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis? What argument does the thesis make?
- Yes the author definitely makes her opinion known within the thesis of the essay; she is arguing that polar bears will soon be extinct due to global warming, glacial recession, beach erosion, and environmental changes to the ecosystem.
4. What group of people agrees with the author? What group disagrees with the author?
- The author seems to be speaking to the public generally, however I did not notice anywhere that the author specifically addressed the oppositions viewpoint.
5. Does the paper have an argumentative thesis statement using ALTHOUGH and BECAUSE?
- The thesis statement of the paper does follow the format of the “although” and “because.”
Content
6. On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest!
- To be brutally honest, I would give this paper an 8 out of 10, with 10 being “oh my god I can’t stop reading this.” I think that’s really pretty good. It definitely made me realize that I have a lot of work to do on my own paper.
7. Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader? Be specific (e.g. “the 3rd is dullsville”; “the conclusion is really vague”).
- It is in my opinion that although there is a ton of really good information in the paper, the topic of polar bears is not brought about until the last point in the paper. However, given the fact that your thesis makes it appear as though polar bears and the effects that all the points listed are having on the polar bears is your main topic, perhaps they should be mentioned a bit more throughout the paper.
8. What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise?
- Opposition would probably argue that many of the effects being discussed are caused by natural cycles and phenomena rather than human impact. One topic in particular that is strongly refuted is the idea of global warming itself; some would say that global warming is just a natural cycle as the Earth is moving closer to the sun, etc. There are many opposing viewpoints that could be addressed.
9. Has the author dealt with these objections?
- No the author needs to dedicate some more energy on addressing the opposition’s viewpoints.
10. Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection?I would perhaps try to put in a lead sentence in each paragraph that introduces a new point that contains the exact terminology describing the main point within the thesis statement.
Style
11. Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic?
- As stated earlier, I don’t believe that the paper jumps around too much, and the transitions are pretty good. However I would spend some time trying to make it more apparent while reading within each different main point, which main point that it is exactly is being discussed. Such as using the lead sentence method described above.
12. Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening?
- I would say that the opening is pretty good, but perhaps a little stronger voice could be used. Such as when the author writes, “Polar bears face possible extinction due to global warming” (Baker, 2008), one could write, “Polar bears are on the verge of extinction and the killer is global warming,” or at least something to that effect.
13. Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction?
- The problem that I see within the conclusion of the essay relates back directly to the content as well, and was briefly addressed earlier in this workshop. That is that in the thesis statement polar bears and the effects that these various climate changes are having on them was the main topic of the paper; however, in the body of the paper polar bears aren’t really even mentioned again until the last main point is discussed. Perhaps the other points need to be related a little better to polar bears and why they are going extinct. In the conclusion the author writes, “…polar bears could live longer without going extinct, glaciers will not retreat as fast, and beaches will not be eroded blocking access to shorelines” (Baker, 2008), however this makes it sounds as if polar bear extinction was just a point in the paper, not the main topic of the essay.
Research
14. . How many different sources are cited in the paper?
- There are fifteen sources cited within the paper. As previously stated, a lot of good research is presented.
15. Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis?
- The author does rely on a couple of the sources more than others, however I don’t believe it is so much as to constitute a problem. Some sources are just more useful than others.
16. Does the author have more quotes in his/her paper than personal opinion?
- There is probably more research and quotes then personal opinion, however it is done in a very nice way so that the reader is not distracted by the information, and it is presented in an informative way. There is a lot of paraphrasing that can be attributed to the success of the authors style.
17. Are there any sources listed on the Works Cited or References that are not cited within the body of the essay? (This is a no-no)
- It does not appear that any sources are listed that were not used in the paper.
18. Is all the information retrieved from research, including opinion, ideas, paraphrases, quotes, and statistics, cited with in-text (parenthetical) citations? If not, list specifics of what needs to be cited (friends don’t let friends turn in plagiarized papers).
- Yes, it appears that everything is cited well within the paragraphs, including paraphrasing.
19. All quotes in research papers should be commented upon. Does the author comment after every quote? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was.
- It appears that the author commented on pretty much every quote.
Overall I would say the paper was well written, with a great blend of informative research and personal opinion. The biggest change that I would recommend is to relate the body of the paper more to the thesis; more to polar bears. Other than that there are a few more little suggestions up there that may or may not be helpful for you. Anyway though, I enjoyed reading your paper and wish you luck on your rewriting.

Baker, X. (2008). Global Warming Threatens Alaska’s Ecosystem. Xia’s English 213 Blog. Retrieved March 30, 2008, from http://xia-xia08.blogspot.com/2008/03/research-paper-rough-draft-english-213.html